Faithful Fool Pillows

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

Monk Prompt

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Okay - who leaked?'

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

"The amendments are coming next week!"

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

"The buck really stops with him."

Men's Prayer Group.

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'