Faithful Fool Pillows

'Your prayers may be monitored for quality assurance.'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

'Fischer Says Give Thanks to the Lord!'

Monk Prompt

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

Christian and Born again Christian...

That feeling when you know the preacher is talking directly to you.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Okay - who leaked?'

How James and John became known as "Sons of Thunder".

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

"Yes, but you were the defender of the wrong faith."

Jesus is Scourged (The Holy Bible).

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

"Your sins are forgiven, but not your co-pay."

"He's dumbing down the sermons again."

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"The amendments are coming next week!"

Spiritual Lives Matter

'Have you been taking your medicine every day?'

'It's Sundays like this that I regret our church website is so popular.'

Maybe I'd better write a thank you letter for the Last Supper after all

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"The buck really stops with him."

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'