Faithful Fixer Gifts

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Power and the Glory tools

God's lil' fix-it shop.

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

Christian and Born again Christian...

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"I was a stockbroker first, but when I realized how much time I spent praying, I figured, what the heck?"

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

Enlightened Cursing

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"And the Lord said, 'You know, it takes a ton of money to run a place like this.'"

"I sympathize with how important it is to you, John... but I simply can't bless your lure!"

"Holy Mackerel!"

'I bet he gets a better rate of interest than me!'

'For your penance, download five 'Hail marys' and ten 'Our fathers'.'

Men's Prayer Group.

The mobile -priest was keen to use modern technology to 'keep in touch' with his parishioners!

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

Home Business - Printer Ink.

'To everything there is a season; a time to cut, and a time to paste...'

"I won't ask you what you're using for bait . . . what are you using for a line."

Jesus swept.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

Good Samaritan responding to hurt man: 'I'm part of God's TLC plan.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'Could I get back to you on that one? My broker says my stock went back up!'

'How can you be so cheap?'

'I thought about leaving once, but I couldn't quit the habit.'

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

"Things to do Today: Create the heaven and the earth."

"Yes, this is Mr. Kalen in Room 1510 – would you send up an Android version of the Gideon Bible?"

'Well, he's back from tech support.'

'I'll be seeing you again right after our Quarterly Earnings Report.'