Peaceful Fixer Gifts

Enlightened Cursing

Unable to afford scaffolding, Dave ties plungers on his feet to get up a wall.

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

Men Working Things Out

When mediation failed, they tried meditation.

Forgot your locker combination? Let Sammy the weasel pick it open for you!

'No it's still not fixed'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

Home Business - Printer Ink.

A woman repairs a broken heart.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Self-Assembly Bookcase

"Now just open wide and relax. Uncle Fred has told me he has a way to fix your braces faster and cheaper than that overpriced orthodontist."

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

"Hello... is that the help desk?"

'I think I should take my hubby for counselling. . . his brain and hands aren't on talking terms.'

God's lil' fix-it shop.

"Kick the machine"

Cat thrusts note through mousehole that reads 'Can't we talk about this?'

Power and the Glory tools

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

'Is the drain still clogged, Henry?'

"Sorry, but I'm here right now."

"The only thing worse than seeing something done wrong is seeing it done slowly."

Feng Shui for Plumbers

Cardiology

"So a plumber charges $600 for 45 minutes' work?! Is that the coolest job or what?!"

'I guess it's official now. No one in this town actually makes anything anymore.'

A Fisherman Reading About Fishing Whilst Fishing.

"Did you call someone to come test for margarine residue in the refrigerator?"

Boy with his finger in a leaking water bed.

"They will be expecting us to stage a coup. But instead we will achieve democracy through progressive dialogue, a transitional justice process and a ten year plan to share the power."

Boss, someone called The Fixer is here to see you. Excellent. Go out and tell him I want him to teach you everything he knows. I don't see why I should have to keep paying him when I've got my very own minion. Pay extra attention to the issue vague threats to shut down lawsuits part. If he asks why I didn't fire him myself, you tell him I've moved to Botswana. Very bad man.