Fairy Tale Reviser Gifts

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

"Bram Stoker's Bambi"

"If she thinks I'm just gonna come running on home, wagging my tail behind me..."

Updated Fairy Tales. Having all of them around sure sweetened my stimulus check!

Mad Hatter's tea party.

'The bailouts worked, the stock market shot up to 15,000 and everyone was relieved.'

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

'...'Throw down my hair'? In this condition?'

"This isn't how the story went at all."

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

'If you're alone in here, who just said 'Ribbit'?'

This wasn't quite the fairytale ending Colin had anticipated.

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

Alice Through the Looking Glass - The Walrus and Carpenter.

Little Red Riding Hood

'I have scarcely closed my eyes, sire! Heaven know what's in this bed!'

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

Fairy Tale Gone Wrong

' You shouldn't believe everything you read in the fairy stories.'

'Did she marry the prince for love for for money?'

"I huffed and I puffed and I blew their house down, and now my head's hot and I ache all over."

William Tell (alternate)

"I like 'Cinderella' - it's just that I feel the characters of the stepsisters are underwritten."

Alice Through The Looking Glass - The Red King and the Red Queen.

Disney Princess 1950s - 3000

Tooth Fairy Command Center. How do you like being on the San Diego beat?

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

'I don't care if I have been here for a hundred years! What kind of pervert kisses a girl while she's sleeping?!'

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

If it were today. . .

"I appreciate your offer, but I was really hoping to marry a doctor."

"I'll come back when you ditch the eighties-hair, Rapunzel.

'Typical media bias. First they label the wolf 'the big BAD wolf' then they only give Little Red Riding Hood's point of view.'

Little Dutch boy prevents sand from falling in hour glass.