Fairy Tale Feminist Gifts

'Cinderella, The Truth.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

A Fairytale Update

The tooth fairy.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Dragon Hair-dryer.

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

"If I can't ask for more wishes, how about more genies?"

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

The Demise of Tinkerbell

Women's Martial Arts Center

"Puss in cement boots"

'If I told you what I wished for, you'd probably slap me.'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"What the hell took so long?"

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Grimm's Reality Tales.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

Invisible clothes

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

One of the Three Little Pigs reaches puberty.