Fairytales Gifts

"Don't worry, I left a trail of junk bonds to get us back to Wall st."

The princess and the pea.

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Ma'am, I'm afraid the insulation in the walls of your gingerbread house contains dangerously high levels of cholesterol.'

"The great thing about the ball taking place on Zoom is that you can wear sweatpants."

'It's a common misconception, but it's always been three fishes.'

Rapunzel on prom night.

Prince frog to frog about princess: 'We're friends, so she accepts me warts and all.'

Tortoise & Hare.

'Did she do anything about the falling sky after she was elected?'

'I'm afraid you've got diabetes.'

'Where are all these people who lived happily ever after?'

Mendel and the Pea.

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

Tooth Fairy: Ruined by Dentures and Implants. Please Help.

'And don't forget. That credit card will expire at midnight.'

'...and he slept for twenty years...until the presidential campaign was over.'

"We're down to seven. Snow White's just kicked out Gropey!"

'Hey, somebody's been accessing MY email too!'

"We'll catch 'em and cook 'em when the sugar wears off."

"Rapunzel, I have an endorsement deal from a hair shampoo company."

'No dear, that's only a fairytale. You'll probably grow up to be an ugly duck like your father.'

'Yeah, yeah. Never mind about your hobbies. Are you a princess or not?'

'Visiting has been a breeze since you switched to this extra-stiff hair gel.'

'....happily ever after...AFTER what?'

"I don't care who's the fairest one of all, I asked for a unified theory of physics!"

'I can't climb up there, I suffer from vertigo!'

'Not that I think you'll need it. But good luck with the 'Jack and the beanstalk' audition.'

'You're good, but Snow White's the best CEO in the land.'

'Yes, we do have a few princesses on our files but none of them want to date frogs, enchanted or otherwise.'

'Thats not fair!!'

'I'm from Teamsters' Local 972, Ma'am -- we have reports that you've been turning mice into coachmen.'

The first princess to kiss me liked frogs' legs.

'Could we read something a little more EDGY tonight, Dad?'

"I was hoping you'd consider this a prelude to a kiss."