Fairway Fixer Gifts

Will sneak through the woods and throw your ball back into the fairway.

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'Not that slowly back...'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

Club House. An eighty dollar green fee! -- I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already in the hole!

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

'Your direction is good! Now try for distance.'

'I'd do better if I knew all the words you know!'

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

"Extremely Minature Golf." They're playing golf down there today. A chlorophyll molecule is collecting green fees and some H2O molecules are a water hazard. The adrenaline group seems to have gotten a burst of energy -- They're playing through the slower groups in front of them. I see the electron is good, always a negative score. And the nucleus is a solid player, every shot is hit right down the center. But nobody can match the DNA's consistency --- He's able to perfectly replicate his s

Tee for Two!

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Call it a hunch...but I don't think he feels too confident.'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

Golfers lost on the road

'I don't know what these things are, but Master spends a lot of time away from the house with them...'

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'Grown-ups sure make playing a lot of work.'

I warned you to keep it low!

"I think I see your problem...You're standing too close to the ball"

'What a divot?'

Golf

'Did you see a ball come this way?'