Expectant Dads Waiting Club Gifts

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"It's a dependent!"

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

Maternity Arrivals

The (literal) birth of Venus.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"The midwife was busy, so we called in the mid-husband."

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

She Had Enough To Drink.

'Sometimes I think you'll be sorry when the baby gets here.'

L'il Buckaroo.

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

Maternity doctor with a plunger

'This is probably the only time I'll be chauffeur driven and I can't even look out the window!'

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

'How many times do I have to tell you not to swing him so hard?'