Expectant Dads Waiting Club T-Shirts

'If you don't like fathers in the delivery room, where will you be?'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

"It's a dependent!"

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"'Routine examination' were the only two words in the doctor's mind when he placed the stethoscope on..."

Push, push, push...

Chapter 10: How to extend your stay and throw your father's paternity leave application into chaos.

Maternity Arrivals

"Well, I never! So this is where babies come from!!"

'...And there's the hands - it looks like - well, it looks like he's texting.'

The (literal) birth of Venus.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

'Sometimes I think you'll be sorry when the baby gets here.'

"I like it; but let's make sure we can get the domain name first."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"The midwife was busy, so we called in the mid-husband."

She Had Enough To Drink.

L'il Buckaroo.

'This is probably the only time I'll be chauffeur driven and I can't even look out the window!'

"No. I can't tell if it's a...Mug or tie. Either way, happy Father's Day."

Maternity doctor with a plunger

'Congratulations, you're a father. Now you'd better get out of here before her husband arrives.'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"You're pregnant? Are you sure it's yours?"

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."