New Dad Club Gifts

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

"Having a new baby can make you feel a bit tired, sometimes you forget things."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Doughboy Dad

"That's mine!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Which one's mine?"

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

"It's a dependent!"

Newborn Chaos

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

'Twiiiiiiiiins!!!!'

The (literal) birth of Venus.

Newborns on cell phones

Overprotective Father