New Dad Club Gifts

Batman at the Maternity Ward

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

"Having a new baby can make you feel a bit tired, sometimes you forget things."

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Doughboy Dad

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"That's mine!"

"It's a boy, ... and two girls, then another boy, another girl, and there more boys."

"You know what they say, there's one born every minute!"

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

"Which one's mine?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

"Which one's yours?"

"Which one's yours?"

"It's a dependent!"

Newborn Chaos

'Who the heck told my wife I had rights to parental leave?'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

'More toys! The way you kids spend, you must think bananas grow on trees.'

"The main skill you need in parenting, is the ability to surreptitiously eat chocolate."

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

Baby At The Entrance Of The Maze Of Life

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

The (literal) birth of Venus.

Newborns on cell phones

Overprotective Father

'Which one's yours?'