New Parent Club Gifts

Newborn Chaos

Two parents look at their new baby who arrived in a boxed with a destroyed instruction manual.

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

A young Don King

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Ahhh...'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

baby sweetcorn...

The Baby Walker

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Interior design trends for parents....

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

A mother and baby elephant

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."