New Parent Club Mugs

Newborn Chaos

Two parents look at their new baby who arrived in a boxed with a destroyed instruction manual.

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

A young Don King

Batman at the Maternity Ward

Cry babies.

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

baby sweetcorn...

The Baby Walker

'Ahhh...'

Interior design trends for parents....

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'