Exercise Pragmatist Gifts

Some exercise program - he power walks to snack machine!

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Drive-thru Church

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

"Will you sign a legally binding contract to get the state involved if you ever decide to leave me?"

'The tests are pretty conclusive, Mrs. Kane. It's going to be a brat.'

Put it in writing!

"Take one of these every 4 hours for the side effects from your prescription."

"The main, unchangeable principal that I use in life is to be pragmatic."

Hazardous Wastes R Us.

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"

'Okay Kid. Start Jumping! This will be the only exercise I'll get all day.'

'Realist Trac, with 4 settings...'

'The good news is that it's only flat at the bottom.'

"Do you have anything that declares my undying love, but with a six month get out clause if it doesn't work out!"

"Make the world a better place. If not that, then make lots of money so we can stay above it all."

"That's pork - the meat of the pig. It makes an excellent substitute for tofu."

The Pee and Pray - for today's busy Christian.

Business man at desk, "My family? Hell no, those are my clients"

"Your present state is caused by a hypersensitivity to existentialist thought. I'm recommending mega-doses of pragmatism as a therapeutic counteractive."

'Do I have to fetch the newspaper? -- Peter Hitchens always leaves a bad taste in my mouth!'

"I'm looking for a card that says 'You're one step closer to the grave', but in a humorous way."

"I don't know if I want to marry, but I would like a combined household income."

"Gee, Mom, I'm sorry you're sick, but can't we get a sub?"

'George has a new job - in Effective Communication'

"Did he sin?"

"It's me, Lord, ready to spend a little religious capital."