Excuse Aficionados Pillows

IRS: 'I haven't filed because my computer's been down since 2007!'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Tongue in the ear...

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Adult Absence Notes.

"Sinead?!"

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

"My dad ate my homework."

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

'I didn't come to work yesterday because Tuesday is the new Monday.'

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

Remorse code

"I'm still waiting for an apology!"

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

"I put catnip on my homework. I think he'll eat it!"

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"I'm all out of answers! Get me my book of excuses!"

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

"I have bad knees."