Excuse Aficionados T-Shirts

IRS: 'I haven't filed because my computer's been down since 2007!'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Will eat your homework for $.

Tongue in the ear...

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

'My other baby is Mercedes'

Fisherman: 'HOLY MACKEREL!'

"Sinead?!"

Adult Absence Notes.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

"My dad ate my homework."

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

"Sorry I'm late. I took the stairs."

'I didn't come to work yesterday because Tuesday is the new Monday.'

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

Remorse code

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

"I'm still waiting for an apology!"

'Not tonight, Rodney - I have to delete e-mails.'

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

Why do we have pistols? I thought we were back-to-back to see who is taller!

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"We always see a spike after April 15th."

"I'm all out of answers! Get me my book of excuses!"