Unique Excuses Aficionado T-Shirts

'I didn't come to work yesterday because Tuesday is the new Monday.'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

Will eat your homework for $.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

"I have to cancel our plans. I feel a headache coming on."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

Adult Absence Notes.

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

"My dad ate my homework."

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

"Sorry I'm late. I took the stairs."

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"I have bad knees."

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

"I'm all out of answers! Get me my book of excuses!"

"I put catnip on my homework. I think he'll eat it!"

"Of course failure is an option; I use it all the time!"

'Not tonight, Rodney - I have to delete e-mails.'

'If you're not sorry then I'm not sorry. . .but if you're sorry then I'm sorry.'

"To think our very existence hinges on your bloody headache!"