Quirky Excuse Admirer T-Shirts

'My client requests a postponement, Your Honor -- he's having a bad hair day.'

"You know the stories about putting a pair of socks into the washing machine and getting out just one of them...Jones, it seems that we found the hideaway of the second socks!"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

No one knew it, but Gerald was about to execute what he called 'The Move.'"

Slow moving and small brained were already two strikes. . . but many experts agree that the unfortunate stripe pattern was the main reason for the extinction of the Cerebex.

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

A mad scientist.

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

The Reclusive Flying Hell Rat

Ghost Porn

The Neighbours from Hell....

"I'm a funny little person so I'm looking to adopt a funny little dog. Do you have one?"

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'

"The rumors were true - you're the slowest gun in the West."

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

"That tie, Merrick. It's not your friend."

"Are you binge watching again?"

Hadleyville Has-Beens

Hipster Coyote

I make the aquaintance of Miss Mowcher

Endangered Species: Bipedal Tortoise.

My Name is Lucky.

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

Weasal

Quilp's grotesque politeness

"He's a Yankeedoodle."

'I turn them loose in my cave. They're colorful, fun to watch and they eat bugs.'

"Maybe there's something to this Darwin stuff."

"Don't worry, everything is the same, only I fart rainbows."

You're a Hell of a Squirrel but You're Still a Squirrel

"You're lucky this job became available, our firm has an unusually low staff turnover."

"My feet aren't gross. They simply show 'honest wear'".

Car Salesman