Quirky Excuse Admirer Gifts

'My client requests a postponement, Your Honor -- he's having a bad hair day.'

"You know the stories about putting a pair of socks into the washing machine and getting out just one of them...Jones, it seems that we found the hideaway of the second socks!"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

No one knew it, but Gerald was about to execute what he called 'The Move.'"

"What a coincidence! I enjoy sleeping and running around the house for no reason, too."

Slow moving and small brained were already two strikes. . . but many experts agree that the unfortunate stripe pattern was the main reason for the extinction of the Cerebex.

A mad scientist.

"You know that thing where you stand like a statue, then move real fast, then stand like a statue again? You totally stole that from me."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

Ghost Porn

The Neighbours from Hell....

The Reclusive Flying Hell Rat

"I'm a funny little person so I'm looking to adopt a funny little dog. Do you have one?"

Gravestone Epitaph - 'One surreal gag too far.'

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

"Are you binge watching again?"

Hadleyville Has-Beens

'Find out if she would have like me if I hadn't asked so many people.'

"That tie, Merrick. It's not your friend."

"The rumors were true - you're the slowest gun in the West."

Hipster Coyote

I make the aquaintance of Miss Mowcher

Endangered Species: Bipedal Tortoise.

My Name is Lucky.

Weasal

You're a Hell of a Squirrel but You're Still a Squirrel

"Don't worry, everything is the same, only I fart rainbows."

"Maybe there's something to this Darwin stuff."

'I turn them loose in my cave. They're colorful, fun to watch and they eat bugs.'

Quilp's grotesque politeness

'Eh Darling. Why is the goldfish in the cats bowl?'

"He's a Yankeedoodle."

"You're lucky this job became available, our firm has an unusually low staff turnover."

"My feet aren't gross. They simply show 'honest wear'".