Excuse Aficionado Pillows

"First, I'd like to blame the Lord for causing us to lose today."

"To think our very existence hinges on your bloody headache!"

Adult Absence Notes.

'Sorry, I was ill yesterday... You didn't see me after the 5th leg.'

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Nice try, but you can't blame your empty highball glass on global warming.

"You don't have to eat it. Just lick off the writing."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

Driverless cars rage.

Sitting in a tree

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"What did you download at school today?"

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

'Ugh! Another oil puddle in the living room – bad robot dog!'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

"He's the best our AI recruitment algorithm could fund, unfortunately our AI is really stupid."

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

Bot Art: After da Vinci

Valentine Day

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

"The robots have become self-aware and self-loathing. Now all they do is write novels."

"Of course I failed you — your essay was original and unique and obviously written by a human."

"I'm afraid I'll be replaced by a robot at work."

"Your feelings may be artificial, but that doesn't mean they're not real."