Classic Excuse Aficionado Pillows

"Saying the dog ate your homework is a silly old excuse...but I'm a sucker for the classics."

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

Adult Absence Notes.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

'I didn't come to work yesterday because Tuesday is the new Monday.'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

"My dad ate my homework."

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

"I put catnip on my homework. I think he'll eat it!"

"I'm all out of answers! Get me my book of excuses!"

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"I have bad knees."

'Not tonight, Rodney - I have to delete e-mails.'