Classic Excuse Aficionado Gifts

"Saying the dog ate your homework is a silly old excuse...but I'm a sucker for the classics."

"What are you looking at, four eyes?"

"Honey, I can't go to the gym today. I feel too out-of-shape."

Will eat your homework for $.

Bob tries to get off on a technicality.

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

"I'm good enough at making excuses that I don't have to be good at anything else!"

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'There's a Mr Tilbin here to see you sir. Shall I tell him you're on the phone, in a meeting, or out of the office?'

Adult Absence Notes.

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

'Your homework got washed away with your house! A likely story young man! See me after class!'

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

"Sorry I'm late. I took the stairs."

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

'Boy, am I hungry. Alll I've had to eat today is some homework!'

'You always say you'll do things tomorrow. . . but you never do.'

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Assignments Due. The Russians hacked my homework.

"My dad ate my homework."

'I didn't come to work yesterday because Tuesday is the new Monday.'

"For your information, officer, I was not ‘texting’ – I was reviewing candidate applications for fellowship grants!"

'Sorry I'm late. I woke up on my back, and you know how turtles are.'

"I'm all out of answers! Get me my book of excuses!"

The 1 Minute Scape Goat.

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

"I have bad knees."

Booger-Boy Scandal 4: 'I just need to craft the text well enough to shut everyone up. . . I sincerely wish they'd all shut up and go away.'

'Not tonight, Rodney - I have to delete e-mails.'

"I put catnip on my homework. I think he'll eat it!"