Evil Enthusiast Pillows

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Bob encounters one of the bugs in the Jean Paul Sartre fan website.

Dead Funny

Chiller Theatre

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Scarpia from Tosca

Igor hesitated - "You give me that silly old brain, and i'll give you these magic beans!"

Solar Frankenstein

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

Man runs scared from ringing graveyard bell.

"Nihilistic customer service"

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"Do you live nearby by any chance? I hate to eat in public."

'A vampire bat! No kidding!'

'...And the best he can do is a bunch of gophers?'

The life of penguins.

"How was prom?"

Business Sisyphus

Shallow End (Slightly innocuous statements) - Deep End (a little more weighty)

Child buys 'Dracula doll': Keep in box until sunset.

Back to school: The Horror,

"May I ask what it's in connection with?"

"I've sewn on 2 right hands, and have made you ambidextrous!"

Memorable Travel Adventure: 'I was in Florida, and on a whim, decided to wrestle an alligator.'

"Vernon likes an element of danger in a water feature..."

"No thanks. I'm not interested in any handouts."

More Pardons

Young Stephen King