Everyday Life Satirist Gifts

Don't you hate... washroom sinks that never deliver any hot water... and drinking fountains that only deliver hot water.

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Hoodie Hang-out

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

"It's hard being a grownup, too – did you know we have absolutely zero limits on treats?"

Peter

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

Snowman Driver

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

"Thank god we're out of the city."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

"Well your results would be normal if you were a 108 and smoked a 60 a day!"

This is where Brent council sends you

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

'I thought you said, 'What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom'!'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

How much for the lamp post?

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

Rocket charmer.

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."