Ethical Carnivore Gifts

Pig Committing Suicide with Chef Standing around Corner

"I feel bad about eating them...but they're so yummy."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

"Is it free-range?"

'Rob is a vegan.'

A butcher and his apprentice.

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"Namasteak"