Ethical Omnivore Gifts

Ethical Meat Shoppe. Animals that died naturally.

DIY Butchers

"Animal Liberation by Peter Singer"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"Is it free-range?"

'What do you have that hasn't been cloned?'

"How 'local' is the fish?"

'Preparing free-range chicken requires an extremely patient chef.'

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

'Rob is a vegan.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Now make sure your heat is high enough to sear your putrid meat quickly."

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."