Ethical Eating Enthusiast Gifts

The salary was terrific, but something about Sally's new job made her very uneasy.

"Are all of your carcinogens produced locally?"

'We don't have any specials today. However, all entrees featuring ingredients known to cause cancer in laboratory animals are half price.

"I'll be awhile, folks. We have a free-range chef and he's run off again."

'Our approach is so humane we're even letting young Colin here take a gap year.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

View to the Future

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'We'll never be able to eat it all before it spoils -- how about a rabbit or something instead?'

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

'I'm from P.E.T.A.. Are you the one who called about animal-rights abuses?'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

'Personally I can't see anything wrong with GM crops!'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

Vegetarian Nightmare.

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

"Geoffrey's seasonal. I'm regional."

"On second thought, just give me the ham and forget the roast beef."

A boy who loves cows/burgers

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

Eat Locally - All Roadkill From 8-Mile Radius

"Is it free-range?"

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"