Eternal Bachelor Gifts

'Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'

"Randy, you're older than I am. Have you thought of maybe settling down and having kids?"

'So, your place, or my mother's.'

Clancy: Footloose and Fiancee-Free

'From six to to eighteen, they're always at that age.'

Postgraduates A group of posts on their way to class.

"See what I mean? It's going to take a bigger diamond."

This is forever... till death do us part...

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

"I might have to go to school forever because the more I know the more I know I don't know."

'...Please stop the...'

"Who says you can't take it with you? This one has a fireproof lining."

'Due to the record snowfall, every school on the face of the earth is closed except for Wolfbranch Elementary.'

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

'And do you promise to be the one out of two marriages that does not end in divorce.'

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

"First I'm getting a Bachelor's Degree, the a Master's Degree, then a Doctor's Degree!"

ONE IN A MILLION

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

Door sign states: Reincarnation studies Come again ... and again.

'You've spent the last 20 years in college. What made you stop hiding from the real world?'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I'd like to propose a bill to the effect that we can remain freshmen indefinitely."

"No one rides off into me anymore."

"Let's face it, Michele. We're not getting any older."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

"I don't wanna 'adult' today."

"What can you tell me about the meaning of death?"

I know it was the biggest moment in your life, but honey - our wedding was six months ago.

"They grow up so slow."

'A little knowledge can be a dangerous thing, Wally.' 'It's a good thing, I'm a know-it-all!'

'Wow, Ed! You look so much younger! Cosmetic surgery?' 'No. Digital enhancement!'

Internal Clocks.