Enthusiast Of Philosophical Humor Gifts

Today's Sermon: Is There Really A Dog?

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Zenemies.

Optimist

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"So have you ever stopped to ask yourself: If he really knew the secrets of the universe, would he be living in a damn cave?"

'Carl Jung loses it...' 'don't tell me I made a Freudian slip - it's a Jungian slip!'

'What's the fist thing you're going to think of when your brain is fully formed?'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

"What if it's smarter than us?"

'I gave up hope of receiving a Genius Grant years ago. Now I'm basically shooting for the less impressive Mediocrity Grant.'

Human meat.

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Seneca

Layton and Ignatieff: the merger.

'And remember: just hold up this little green paper, and they will do whatever you want.'

"Does my brain look big in this?"

'Don't be too hard on sinners. If it weren't for sinning, we'd all be out of work!'

You're too enamored of wealth, Al. As it says in the Bible, "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle that for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Is that a regular Camel, or does it have a filter tip?

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Department de Philosophie

'I think you'd enjoy it even more if you understood Newton's Laws of Motion.'

"I take it you agree that there can be no meaningful thought without the existence of language."

"Go home, you're not part of my target market."

'Sure I'm interested in symbolism. Money is a symbol, isn't it?'

Swiss Referendum

Jean-Paul Sartre.

"Wisdom is growing your hair long so the hairs growing in your ears don't show

"Do you have a minute for a problem whose solution has eluded humanity since the dawn of civilization?"

'How come when you're right it's female intuition and when I'm right it's dumb luck?'

'I tend to look on the negative side of things. Do you guys do rose coloured glasses'

I never thought "the meaning of life" would include so many sports metaphors.