Enthusiast Of Parenting Topics Gifts

'We're studying child birth in sex education. On my birthday I think YOU should get the gifts.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Growth Charts

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

Toddler Feeding Solutions

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Open other end

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

Crying baby

'Before we begin, he's the one that's been helping me with my homework.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Lemming mothers

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"