Entertainment Escaper Gifts

"Every time it comes on I feel like leaving the house."

'Elaine, take a ditty.'

'-but surely it's unusual to have nightmares with COMMERCIALS?'

"Relax, Marge! I'm sure the folks at 'Ultimate Pirate Adventures'. . ."

SEMINAR CANCELLED: Feel free to doodle.

"I won't lie to you: It was quite an ordeal to move the upright piano in..."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

Board meeting "And finally, gentlemen, Miss Silverman with the lunch-time scores."

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

"I'm skipping that movie and waiting for the theme park ride."

American Idle

"Nothing for me, thanks."

Cartoon characters unable to instantly recover from catastrophic injuries support group.

"With this invention...I can finally go to a time where everyday nuisances have been completely eradicated!"

"I'm going somewhere without cell service because I'm incapable of turning my phone off myself."

Ramblers Association

Little girl playing pirates with her dog.

A people-meter family out enjoying the calm night breezes while claiming to be inside enjoying a rerun of 'Falcon Crest.'"

"The tide is out at the moment so here is some music while you are waiting..."

Daydreaming to other people's music on the train,

'There's nothing on TV. Let's read... I can't believe I said that.'

No caption (A prisoner watches a television with bars and clouds in a sky simulating the view outside a window).

"That film broke all records for keeping that key 16 to 39 year old demographic distracted from reality."

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

Guy in cinema eating popcorn out of his mask

"Yes, this is technically a line. But when I said I wanted to be 'online' all day, this isn't what I meant."

"See - all the thrills of outdoor activity with non of the risks!"

"If the truth hurts, the hell with it."

The search continues for weapons of mass distraction.

We now return you to reality, which is already in progress.

"Hey, what's the chance we can get some cable TV in here?"

'I'll look, sir, but I'm not sure there IS any place where they've never heard of America.'

"All this news is so troubling. Let's watch something, funny, light and whimsical!"

"I just remembered why I stopped being a farm dog."

Piano Stocks.