Meeting Escaper Gifts

Board meeting "And finally, gentlemen, Miss Silverman with the lunch-time scores."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

Bo're'droom

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"The meeting will last until lunch, or hell freezes over, whichever is longer."

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"You can all unroll yourselves now. We're heading back up."

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

"Mum! - T.S. Eliot - 'Humankind cannot bear much reality'."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

"I think we're all agreed that we need to focus 110% on meeting strategic corporate goals."

'This chart shows how much time we waste every day looking at charts.'

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'The project is a little behind schedule. It was proactive, now it's retroactive.'

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"Could I please go back to the rack now?"

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

'I was so angry, I got up and tip-toed out of the meeting. I probably should've stomped.'

Chairmen of the Bored

"It's safe to close your eyes and relax...these meetings are safety equipped with front and side airbags."

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was fine. I just don't like any of you and don't want to be here."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

'As usual, I'm right on time. My internal alarm clock always wakes me just as theses meetings are over.'

Office worker chips a golf ball into in tray on a desk at work.

"I'm not lazy. I'm resting before I get tired."

"I'd like to point out yet again...there is no napping in meetings."

"It doesn't do you any good being depressed about your job, because you're stuck doing it for the rest of your life."

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

'Let's begin our meeting. Everybody talk, nobody listen.'

'The trick is to make them feel better about themselves without actually paying them any better...'

Bill endures yet another wooden presentation delivered to a room full of waxen figures.

"I hate going into a staff meeting without a clear exit strategy."