Entering Rehab Gifts

'I remember when you were this high!'

'Those fish-oil treatments doing your arthritis any good?'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"Here they come: Detox and Botox."

Alcoholics Anonymous - 'Nowadays every bottle seems to say 'drink me'.'

'Before I quit I couldn't even spell rehabilitation.'

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'On the positive side, we were very impressed with the number of your personal weaknesses you were able to identify!'

"Were you referred to us by your doctor or publicist?"

"Yeah, he's in rehab, but for the right role I can spring him."

"She made her hat in rehab."

All Washed Up

'They tried to make me go to rehab, but I said no no no.'

'Yes, this is step nine of your twelve-step program.'

"That 12th step is a doozy."

Half & Half Way House: After being paroled from prison, Bessie starts her journey back into main stream society.

"Does the doctor hug?"

Care for the elderly.

Bob walked away from the halfway house – but only got halfway.

"In terms of career guidance, access to A-list talent, and studio relationships, you couldn't sign with a better rehab clinic."

"My wife always said I'd end up mixing with the rich and famous."

'My name's Steve, and I'm an alcoholic. And I'm pretty sure the guy vomiting behind my chair is too.'

"He now wishes, M'lud, to put the 632 convictions behind him and to base his life on helping the poor."

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

Methodone actor - "I could have been a contender, but I seam to be having trouble remembering my lines."

Senior Dating Site: Instagran.

Before you're released, would you mind filling out this feedback survey, so we may better serve you next time?

Social Networking Anonymous 12 Step Program.

'Note to self... remove slot machine before next meeting.'

Snorting lines of the road on the way to rehab.

Tourette's Rehab Center

Keep off the Grass.

'I'd like to buy a deathbed.'

'... But I don't want to stop. I thought this was some sort of secret drinking club.'