Entering Recovery Gifts

'On the positive side, we were very impressed with the number of your personal weaknesses you were able to identify!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

Self-esteem room

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

"We're doing everything we can to make him comfortable, short of dressing up as male doctors."