Entering Recovery Gifts

'On the positive side, we were very impressed with the number of your personal weaknesses you were able to identify!'

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

Spa

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

Vlad the Inhaler

Self-esteem room

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

"He's going to be O.K., but he still wants you to remarry."

Clown Cheering Up Patient.

'Your master isn't due for release until the first of the month.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'You seem rather ungrateful Mr. Jenkins. This new drug means you'll never have hayfever again.'

As a rule, all surprise parties start out with good intentions.

"Good news! She's asking for her Banana Republic and Williams-Sonoma catalogues."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

"Yeah, my life flashed before my eyes!...OK, it was food - all the food I've ever eaten flashed before my eyes."

"I'm sorry, Chuckles. We had to remove your funny bone."

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Your blood Sugar is very high.'

'The food here isn't too bad, just try not to swallow !'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"Maps to stars' rehab centers."

"Call me a taxi if I start foaming at the mouth."

"I'm sure he'll pull through. He's always been a real fighter."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

'Harvey does all his own 'get well' cards.'

"It says you need a CT scan and that the azaleas in the corner need to be watered twice daily."

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'