Enlightenment And Retail Gifts

"Do you have pants in XL?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

Voltaire

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Guru.

"All the celebrities come here."

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

When Buddha came to nirvana.

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."