Enlightenment And Retail Pillows

"Do you have pants in XL?"

"... and I have a follow-up question regarding rawhide."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Voltaire

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Eagle (The Divine Comedy).

"I shop, therefore I am."

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'Oh, I'm not a guru -- I'm just big on personal space.'

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"Showoff"

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

Guru.

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

"My lessons on Enlightenment are a prerequisite to my graduate-level course on Investing in Derivatives."

"All the celebrities come here."

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

The discoverer of fire meets the discoverer of marijuana

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

OM, SWEET OM

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

'The Meaning of Life? -- you don't have a bad ticker, do you?'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'

'Now, until you've attained perfect wisdom, you'll have to learn to evade questions.'