Emotional Strategist Pillows

How to Feign Affection To Get Your Way.

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'men have no idea how to take action.'

'Thanks for the coaching, the tears did the trick: My parents bought me a mobile phone!'

'How many are just staying together for the kids? OK, that's good, very good.'

"I'm a sucker when she turns on the tears."

Surfing the daily stress

'The toughest things you have to deal with in this job, is feelings and lawyers.'

'Wow! I never thought it would actually WORK!'

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

The Map of the Human Heart

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

I applied for a job with NASA but they turned me down. I think it was because I told them I wanted to be an astronaut because in space, you can't cry because there's no gravity and tears can't flow.

The Wishing Well

Sad boss: "This one pretty much sums it up."

Anger Management: Breathe in and Breathe out.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'He's never there for me.'

Dating the efficiency expert.

Twice a year, Uncle Mort and Sadie Cohen have an official relationship talk. While this biannual conversation is scheduled by mutual consent under long-standing treaty, some participants engage grudgingly. Let's talk about our feelings. I don't feel like it. That's not a feeling, Snookums! Loophole!

"Now at this point reality intruded."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'Don't worry, I've got your back.'

'You need some stress.'

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'It's not a 20 year low! We've been in business only 19 years.'

"Am I worried about going belly-up? Well, I can't get my fingers uncrossed and I sleep face down."