Emotional Connection Strategist Pillows

'Oh, I see! So this is what it takes for you to call your mother.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

Emotional Bling

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Before texting we had to write letters by hand, and before emojis we honestly just bottled up our emotions."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

Separations.

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Dating the efficiency expert.

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

Family Feeling

"I care that you care that I care about you caring... but I'm not sure if your caring is enough caring to make up for what I'm not caring enough about."

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.