Emotional Connection Strategist T-Shirts

'Oh, I see! So this is what it takes for you to call your mother.'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"It's a new target to target a time to reduce targets so that we'll be less target driven!"

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

Emotional Bling

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Before texting we had to write letters by hand, and before emojis we honestly just bottled up our emotions."

'You're good with people. Just tell him to go fuck himself.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"And this right here was our weekend in the Hamptons."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"To be clear you are willing to labor under misconceptions?"

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

See? Whenever he's mad at me, he turns off his Touch ID sensor.

"People who don't believe in soulmates just haven't met the right animal."

"Oh, and add a couple of intentional typos to my weekly email update...I want to appear warm and authentic!!"

Dating the efficiency expert.

Personal Relationship Counsellor

Separations.

These young people need everything spelled out to them! I miss the old days, when a wink was a wink, and a nod was a nod.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

Family Feeling

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

'That's it. Work out your aggressions just like the wild rams do.'

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

'First, you have to stop treating your husband like a child.'

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"