Sympathy Strategist T-Shirts

'Now tell him about our one million kids-he's starting to weaken.'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Can't even hold signs well.

The Female Brain and The Other One

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Personal Relationship Counsellor

Dating the efficiency expert.

Separations.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

'That's it. Work out your aggressions just like the wild rams do.'

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"