Sympathy Strategist Pillows

'Now tell him about our one million kids-he's starting to weaken.'

Kiosk in large lobby with sign above it labeled 'Empathy'.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Can't even hold signs well.

The Female Brain and The Other One

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'This is Martins, the office I was telling you about. She's got a real knack for texting people down from window ledges!'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"I'll match donations when you match my tax payments."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

Dating the efficiency expert.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"Cops don't get me. Sure, they got me – but they'll ever get me."

Separations.

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"We'll soon have you sorted out, Mr. Fenton."

"Agreed. We'll reduce our arsenal of insults, jibes and grievances by one-third but will be permitted to stockpile them for use should the need arise."

'Our love life has become market-driven.'

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"Enough already! You’re depressing me!"

'I think your son is being bullied. He's suffering 80% Chinese wrist burns.'

"This is the time of year when you begin to appreciate the 'Time's' fuller coverage."