Sympathy Seeker Pillows

"I need a card that's heavy on caring but light on commitment."

'Wife and 6 kids to support.' - 'Is this allowed?'

"I'm so sorry, I'm afraid he flew too near the candle"

Floral tributes

"It has a nice soft shoulder. You said you needed one to cry on, didn't you?"

"This is my shoulder to cry on..."

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

'I'm a failure as a manager and a husband.' - 'At least you're an excellent customer.'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

Hot flashes

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"

Sympathy Cards

Type A Flu.

'He's over the flu, but he hasn't recuperated from the lack of pity.'

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

Huntsman with a cold

Sympathy Cards. What have you got for an economist whose theories have recently been discredited?

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Marimba

A woman floats in the pool under the shade of an airplane

"Thanks for walking a mile in my shoe but it's beginning to hurt now."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

Turn, turn and turn.

"Postwar is hell."

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I think we'd make a good team!"

What We Thought Were Canals Are Deep Prejudices and Inequities.

Water Gardening: One thing is certain - you will find the peace and tranquility of water an almost irresistible attraction.

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

Crowded Ice Fishing

"Geez, from way up here it almost looks like there’s hope for humanity."

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."