Eldercare Professional Gifts

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Handle With Care

"Did you remember my mints?"

"Careful."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

'I know I don't look like a matinee idol of yesteryear anymore, but neither do they!'

Duel in a wheelchair.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

"Someone to see you!"

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

'Dwayne deeply regretted not placing his mother in a personal haircare home earlier.'

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

"Television repairs....Don't you want to see my identity?"

Fetch the Walker

'Be assured about you mother's memory - we back up all the residents onto hard disk once a week.'

"Alright, Grandfather, let's check your ticker."

Caution Student Driver.

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

How to save money on geriatric care?

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"Mijo...get me some water...not cold, but not hot either...just kind of cold. Maybe with just one ice cube... But not in a glass. Put it in a cup and stir it with a spoon."

Care Home Eject Button.