Eldercare Gifts

Darling, I wish you'd stop the self defense classes, now you've got Alzheimer's.

"Panic over Jane I've managed to find someone with a proper qualification to come and talk to Mr Foster."

Alzheimer's and the Vicious Circle of Slow Death

Diaper Life Cycle

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Handle With Care

"Did you remember my mints?"

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"Twenty five years... I think it's time we renew our towels."

"Careful."

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Duel in a wheelchair.

"I've made a list of lists we need to make."

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

My Mother Was Absolutely Certain She Would Not Succumb to Alzheimer's. She Was Wrong.

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"Nice try, but I don't think whisky counts as an 'essential medication'."

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

The nurses here are so slow. Could this blanket be any thinner? The buttons on the tv remote are too darn small. Although her health had improved, Mabel's condition remained critical.

'Dwayne deeply regretted not placing his mother in a personal haircare home earlier.'

'You're not supposed to use fabric softener on ARMOR!'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

"Don't worry - the Power of Dad still trumps the Power of Attorney."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"Great Perfume!"

Fetch the Walker

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"