Elder Care Enthusiast Gifts

'Try and stay alive until the government have finished their consultation process.'

Expensive nursing home

"The only reason he can remember what he had for lunch yesterday, is because it's still in his lap."

'He's my father and I say we dump him pricate...!'

Old woman with trolley full of medication.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"Careful."

"I'm cleaning a little already, because the cleaning lady will be here soon!"

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

Caution Student Driver.

Fetch the Walker

"Would you care for a slice of lemon dribble cake Mr Dobbs?"

'Be assured about you mother's memory - we back up all the residents onto hard disk once a week.'

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

"For someone your age, the yearly premium on a $5,000 policy is $8,000."

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

How to save money on geriatric care?

"Methuselah's been retired for over 800 years, but what is he retired from?"

I'm not sure when I can help you. It's not easy getting parts for you anymore

"My butt is loose!"

Care Home Eject Button.

'Disease is inevitable. My advice is to find an illness you can live with...'

'You play the nurse and I'll play God.'

New more powerful, furniture polish.

"Welcome to Mom's place. I'll be your waitress, dishwasher, and cook tonight..."

"Mijo...get me some water...not cold, but not hot either...just kind of cold. Maybe with just one ice cube... But not in a glass. Put it in a cup and stir it with a spoon."

"Would you like to make a contribution to the old folks home?" "Sure, when can I bring him in?"