Edgy Pet Lover Gifts

"Too goth?"

"He was a sea rescue."

"What if, instead of the safe being filled with rawhide, it's filled with catnip and mice!" "No one will buy it." "Drugs and rodents? Who's our demographic?" "The Simpsons already did that."

'I bought him to retrieve my e-mails.'

"Lap fish..."

'Because the horned one commands them to, that's how!'

Roget's Pet

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

Woman keeping a chicken in her room for fresh eggs

Upper East Side Dog Park

I think the cat wants to go out.

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"He ran out of pee."

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

"I did what you asked and got rid of my white mice."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

Al's Teachers' Pets.

The pet shop of Doctor Moreau

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

"If you'll excuse me fellas. I have to see a man about a dog. Specifically-this dog."

"Me? I'm taking the dog for a silly walk."

'It's about that lizard you sold me four months ago.'

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

Fish in Water Cooler.

'Kittens are cute, but I was thinking lion or tiger.'

Joey tries to teach his pet rock how to swim.

"One more question. Would you mind if corporate implanted a chip between your shoulder blades?"

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

101 uses of a dead cat: parrot stand.

"Actually, I would rather have a dog. It's just that we need the eggs."

"I've been feeling needy and it's got me worried."

'Interesting. . . 'While dogs respond to dog whistles, wolverines respond only to cash and traveler's checks.''