Sassy Pet Lover Gifts

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

"Lap fish..."

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

Woman keeping a chicken in her room for fresh eggs

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Upper East Side Dog Park

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"He ran out of pee."

'Click it or ticket.'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

The pet shop of Doctor Moreau

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

Fish in Water Cooler.

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

Joey tries to teach his pet rock how to swim.

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

When Pugs dream.

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

'Interesting. . . 'While dogs respond to dog whistles, wolverines respond only to cash and traveler's checks.''

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

"She's a weiner cat."

''No, Ma,am', I said. 'I'm not taking anybody's pet pig for a walk in a baby carriage' and then she doubled my salary.'

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"