Sassy Pet Lover Gifts

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

Boy with a whale: 'He followed me home, Dad, can I keep him?'

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

"Lap fish..."

"What? Don't yuck my yum!"

"He was a dog person, I was a cat person, the answer was a ferret."

'Okay, I see it now...lame in the third hind leg on the left side!'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Upper East Side Dog Park

Woman keeping a chicken in her room for fresh eggs

'He won't eat his lettuce until I've washed it five times. I'm sure his OCD is getting worse!'

"He ran out of pee."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Click it or ticket.'

'I'd like the tongue, please.'

'Mutt is very insulting and definitely politically incorrect, but where do I find an animal rights attorney at this hour of the night?'

Cat on a psychiatrist's couch: 'Truth is, I'm not really a cat person.'

'It's only temporary until we can find a good home for the cats.'

'Apart from Charlie here, I don't have any problems with slugs'

The pet shop of Doctor Moreau

Fish in Water Cooler.

'Oh, that's Corky's way of saying hello.'

"My Instagram feed is basically people, dog food and tennis balls."

'Yep. I used to use chemical to strip wallpaper, but the cats are more efficient, and there's no nasty smell.'

'What do you mean, 'act my age'?... If I did that I'd be dead!'

"Jeez, calm down, Bill. We're not saying you're wrong... Just that you're an idiot."

Joey tries to teach his pet rock how to swim.

A sausage dog shrinking after toileting

When Pugs dream.

'Interesting. . . 'While dogs respond to dog whistles, wolverines respond only to cash and traveler's checks.''

'Nature abhors a vacuum. Nature is my cat.'

"She's a weiner cat."

"No, thanks Bob. And just exactly when did you decide you were a 'dog person'?"