Ecclesiastical Humor Explorer Gifts

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

The ten ammendments

Church restrooms

Finger puppets in church.

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

Minister Starts at a New Church

Conclave.

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

"Can we discuss this?"

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."

'Welcome to our first ever... Casual Sunday.'

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

Ingoldsby Legends - Impious Bishop Robert of Birchington

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

Pope Benedict at Easter

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

"Actually, Father, it's teddy who has to confess....he was nervous about coming in here alone."

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

Holy water cooler moments

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."