Ecclesiastical Humor Explorer Gifts

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

The ten ammendments

Church restrooms

Finger puppets in church.

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

Minister Starts at a New Church

Conclave.

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"Wake up! Brother Billy's finished praying."

'It's a devil to start on these damp November Sunday mornings - luckily we have a sidesman who works for the AA.'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Can we discuss this?"

'I hate the new vicar's cheese and wine parties.'

'The Bishop called - he'd like to see a copy of that sermon you gave last Sunday.'

"That vicar really knows how to put the fear of god into people."

'Welcome to our first ever... Casual Sunday.'

'Would you like seating in snoring or non-snoring?'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

"Actually, Father, it's teddy who has to confess....he was nervous about coming in here alone."

Holy water cooler moments

'God, I hate Sunday mornings.'

Ingoldsby Legends - Impious Bishop Robert of Birchington

Pope Benedict at Easter

Auto Mechanic's Confessional Booth

"Say-y-y, this stuff could be made into a terrific mini-series."

"Do I get double bubble Sundays?"

"I know it's a really big church, but Goliath was the bad one."

"Do I have one too?"