Eccentric Truth Exposer Gifts

"You couldn't just be a whistleblower, could you?"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

Imagine

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'Don't you ever knock?'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

'I know, but he's a genius.'

"Who are These People?"

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

"Rapunzel? Rapunzel moved out years ago. I'm Bruce, and I have a stack of old newspaper clippings I'd like to show you."

A mad scientist.

'This elusive self-portrait of the artist is perhaps his most famous work. It was purchased, by the museum, for one hundred and ninety million dollars and is now valued at 900 million dollars...'

Human and alien exchange sex toys.

Problem solving centre.

'To hell with the rules.'

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Man talking to a tree.

'Ah, Baker! Still the company's lone voice in the wilderness, I see!'

"Oh and, incidentally, Whit, I'm afraid there's room for only one haircut like this around here."

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Mum, Dad, I've met something...

"I'm waiting in for a plumber."

"My left buttock is noticeable larger than my right and my dog is missing his hind legs."

Tom Waits.

"Ok, here he comes, remember the story, I've had a bad asthma attack..."

Clown escaping a shipwreck on an inflatable unicycle.

The Water Diviner

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

'Sale - monopole magnets - 50% off'