Eccentric Performer Gifts

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

'...I already have 26 cats, why not 27...'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

Use your imagination.

Newt sale

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'Don't you ever knock?'

She did only twenty-eight of the thirty-two fouetts in the Black Swan pas de deux . . . or are my eyes deceiving me?

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

Buider, "How crazy do you want this paving, mad,or completely wacko?"

A mad scientist.

"Rapunzel? Rapunzel moved out years ago. I'm Bruce, and I have a stack of old newspaper clippings I'd like to show you."

"Derek has re-invented himself."

Problem solving centre.

"Come at me, Bro!"

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

Tom Waits.

"Ok, here he comes, remember the story, I've had a bad asthma attack..."

"He's nuts. She's nuts. All three young ones are nuts. The dog is nuts. And the old lady upstairs is nuts, too."

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Mum, Dad, I've met something...

'Ah, Baker! Still the company's lone voice in the wilderness, I see!'

"I'm waiting in for a plumber."

'...Joseph A.Peabody seeks out devious methods to add new excitement to his life.'

"That's Julian you can hear, he's really arty-farty this evening"

What Newton didn't see

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

"Whatever you do don't get onto the topic of his wacky socks."

"Travis didn't believe in nouns."