Enchanting Eccentric Gifts

Newt sale

'But I digress...'

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Avant-garde jazz hands"

Imagine

"He says he's not running away. . . he's just going off the grid."

Cocktail party with man balancing drink on head as he eats.

There's a Facebook group for everyone... "Even Toilet Paper Mummies!"

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Don't you ever knock?'

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'He swallowed some of his acrylic paints and now he's artsy fartsy.'

Annoying xylophone solicitors.

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'I know, but he's a genius.'

"Who are These People?"

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"You there - shoo!"

'This elusive self-portrait of the artist is perhaps his most famous work. It was purchased, by the museum, for one hundred and ninety million dollars and is now valued at 900 million dollars...'

Human and alien exchange sex toys.

'To hell with the rules.'

"Ok, here he comes, remember the story, I've had a bad asthma attack..."

Tom Waits.

Man talking to a tree.

"Why can't you just read in bed?"

Clown escaping a shipwreck on an inflatable unicycle.

A Macaroni in 1773

"Oh and, incidentally, Whit, I'm afraid there's room for only one haircut like this around here."

The Water Diviner

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'